Dear Sophia,

(I’ll warn you right now, this is gonna be a long one.)

Intellectually, I know that tomorrow you will be turning 18 and your step into adulthood feels appropriate and well-earned; but in my heart I’m having some trouble believing my little baby girl could possibly be at this point already.

And the dissonance makes sense: you’re in a strange inbetween right now.  You’re in high school, subject to the rules, expectations and general “studenthood” you’re used to - and at the same time your schedule has a huge amount of flexibility and freedom, only having to be on campus for one block a day.  You’re reliant on us for so much, but you’re learning and growing every day in ways that take you further out into the world on your own.  You are fiercely independent in some moments, and crawl onto my lap for snuggles in others. (Which, by the way, I hope you will always do, forever.  You don’t outgrow snuggles.)

This is a time of transition, and you’re handling it with such grace.  You have always had a maturity beyond your years, but this past year has truly shown how ready you are to face new challenges, take on new responsibilities, and hold your own out in the world.  Sure, there are growing pains here and there as we all negotiate how to adapt to this new dynamic.  You’re our child, but you aren’t a child anymore.  We still need to set some boundaries, but we’re learning as parents how to shift our focus from rules and constraints to guidance and support.  We respect your values and we trust your judgment, and I believe the feeling is mutual - and that understanding provides a solid foundation for every decision and compromise we make.  I know every parent believes their child is exceptional - but there is no question that you are really something special, my girl.

Watching you grow into yourself over the past year has been a true delight.  You had your first travel abroad adventure, and while it was emotional seeing you and Ben head off without us, your father and I both felt confident that you were ready.  We knew you’d be attentive and responsible, and we knew you’d keep an eye on your brother.  It was such a joy to hear your stories and feel your excitement when you returned.  We also had epic travels as a family, crossing the country together and taking in so many new sights and experiences.  I’m so grateful we got to share that time together.  Your summer was a testament to your growing independence, as you kept busy with friends, work, dance and soccer.  You communicated well, keeping us in the loop, but you took charge of your own calendar in a way you never had before.  As your senior year started, your juggling act of activities only intensified.  You have a lot of freedom in your schedule this year, which means it’s up to you to stay organized and meet each of your commitments.  Your course load has been intense, and there have been a few moments when you felt overwhelmed, but you’ve always rallied back into control and found balance.  Even in moments of chaos (your snowy drive home from Bennington comes to mind), we trust that you will stay focused and make good choices. 

As you’ve grown toward something much closer to adult than child, I’ve watched our relationship shift as well.  We’ve always been close, and in your teenage years a friendship has blossomed alongside our mother-daughter bond.  But this year I’ve really treasured our time together as friends.  We share interests and ideals, and we always have something to talk about.  We trust each other and value one another’s opinions.  And we can always make each other laugh!  I hope you know that I will always be here for whatever parental guidance you need, and being your mother is the most important identity I have, but I also hope we continue nurturing the closeness we have as adults who just genuinely like each other.

I also have truly enjoyed watching you navigate your first serious relationship.  You are a strong, independent person, and you certainly don’t need a partner to make your life fulfilling.  Romantic or not, the people with whom you share your life make such an impact on the way you interact with the world and the individual you become.  I, personally, find immense satisfaction in having a partnership that grounds me and gives me an innate sense of belonging.  I believe you now understand how sharing your life with someone can bring a new sense of meaning to your experiences.  You’re learning to care for someone in a way that undoubtedly shapes your priorities.  You and Brayden are very lucky to be sharing this time in your lives with a partner who brings a great deal of love, but also respect and consideration for the other.  You are both in such a period of growth and change, and it’s wonderful to see the support you have in one another.  It brings me so much happiness to see you with someone who clearly adores you.  It’s what you deserve.

That said, there is SO much you deserve in this life.  You are an amazing human, and I couldn’t be more proud of you.  With college looming on the horizon, I know you’re feeling a whirlwind of emotions.  Your life is about to change in so many ways, and the pressure to make the right decisions can be daunting.  But the truth is, there is no right and wrong in these choices before you.  Some options might be better than others, for myriad reasons, but the reality is there are unlimited paths you could take.  You don’t have to decide today what you want for the rest of your life.  You may stumble, you may struggle, but that's all part of the journey.  You are capable, you are clever, and you are hardworking, and that will always get you through.  Whichever choice you make will lead to opportunities you could never predict.  I don’t mean you shouldn’t take time to carefully consider your options, thinking about your goals and interests and priorities - but you should be confident knowing that you will find your way in whichever direction you go.  

I am immeasurably proud of you, and the world is a better place with you in it.

I love you.

Mama