Dear Sophia,

So here we are, once again, on the eve of your birthday. I cannot believe that NINE years have passed since we were in the hospital eagerly awaiting your arrival. It seems like a lifetime ago, but at the same time I can remember it like it was yesterday. Just like I can so clearly see you as an infant sleeping in my arms, or as a toddler trying to play with your new brother, or as a preschooler holding on tightly to Daddy's leg when we had to drop you off for school. The ways you have changed and how quickly it has happened is truly amazing.

This past year brought with it a lot of accomplishment - you won first place in the forms section of a karate tournament at your dojo and have worked your way up to the level of blue-green, your 6th belt. You climbed one of the mountains on New Hampshire's list of 4000+ footers, which was a day-long test to your strength and endurance. You performed in your 5th dance recital and played great seasons of both soccer and basketball. You joined an Odyssey of the Mind team and are preparing for your team's Regional competition. You have also become a voracious reader, finishing longer and more complex books than ever with great relish. There is hardly a time when we see you without your book; if you aren't reading, you have it near you in case you have time to sneak in a few more pages. You continue to do well in school, and are making even more new friends. I couldn't be more proud of you and how hard you work. You have so many activities that bring you joy, and it is really a treat for me as your mother to watch you learn and grow in the areas that you choose.

You also remain a truly sweet girl. There was a week this summer when you got up every morning and made breakfast for Ben and me. You often write notes just to say you love us. You like to plan special activities or performances for the family. You are also quick with a smile or a hug, which is really the best thing you could offer.

That all being said, this year has also been a year of challenges. Our relationship has met a few rocky moments, and we have argued more than in past years. I am frustrated by your apparent lack of respect, and you get angry when you don't get your way. For the most part, we can talk through our differences but there have also been a few tears and harsh words. I know that every mother and daughter have these moments, but it is still incredibly hard for me. I want you to learn independence, but I also desperately want you to have good manners and live by that golden rule of treating others as you wish to be treated. I try to lead by example and to find as many teaching moments as I can, but I still find myself questioning if I am doing things right.

And then yesterday, after an afternoon of you testing your limits with me, I came across this quote:

Instant obedience and mindless compliance are poor goals, indeed, when raising children. A thoughtfully questioning, passionately curious and humorously resourceful child who wants to know why, who delights in inventing "compromises" and who endlessly pushes the boundaries, tends to become a thoughtful, passionate, resourceful adult who will change the world rather than being changed by the world. -L.R.Knost

I couldn't have found better words for me to read in that moment. I was feeling disappointed in your behavior, wondering how I had failed you - and this new perspective was a breath of fresh air. Although I wholeheartedly believe that respect and understanding are the foundations on which I want you to build your life, this quote got me to thinking that maybe I had been misunderstanding your sometimes seemingly disrespectful actions. As we enter this 10th year of our mother-daughter relationship, I plan to make it my goal to pay closer attention to those times when we disagree. I will try to see your perspective as a child learning to grow and find her place in this world. I hope we can more easily find common ground, and I promise to work toward recognizing your intent as well as your actions.

I absolutely cannot wait to see where another year will find us... but let's not rush it. I want to cherish every moment with you, even if we aren't quite seeing eye to eye at all times. You are the most amazing daughter I could imagine and I am so proud to be a part of your world.

I love you,
Mama